To Jupiter and Beyond: Lessons from Seven years of Marriage.

It has been 7 years since we got married. We have lived in 3 different houses, traveled together to Colombia, Brazil, Arkansas, Florida, California, NYC, Chicago, Georgia, France, Italy, and Greece (anywhere else?). We have 2 wonderful sons, and twins on the way! I reflect on the last 7 years of our marriage and think of the lessons from being together with my husband. How much more vulnerable we have become. We always laugh, and say that when we said "I do" we didn't know all it encompassed. It's like the fine print in the contract; where we knew the general stuff...but not the specifics until we were there.

So here it goes, the 7 things I have learned from being married for 7 years:

1. We won't agree on everything, but we can come up with a solution together. There have been many times that we don't see eye to eye, but it is important to listen to the other and to understand how they arrived to that conclusion, even if they are wrong. JK. It has been so interesting to know how our families and previous situations shape our beliefs. Remembering that we are on the same team, and knowing that there is different ways of doing things. At the end of the day, knowing how much you care about things and how big or small those thing are. Is the discussion about how to load the laundry, or how we are feeding our kids? Knowing that we both want the best outcome (clean clothes and healthy kids) has helped us find a solution and know how to move forward.

2. Laughter to keeps things lighthearted. I am so happy to have married a husband that keeps me laughing. His sense of humor is amazing. We have laughed so many times in the kitchen, when we travel, when our kids have done crazy things, when we are mad at each other, when we share small jokes. We laugh together. Laughter truly is a medicine for us.

3. If you are upset, take a breather, and discuss when you are calm. There have been times when I'm upset. In my head all of these negative thoughts come. How could he do this, why is he late again, why did he forget. This is ridiculous. In the heat of the moment, it's hard to give the other the benefit of the doubt. When you are mad, I think the worst in you comes out. Going to your rational self first, or putting a pause prior to confronting the other, has saved me so many times from possibly regretting the words that would come out of my mouth. Again, if you are upset, take a breather, and discuss when you are calm.

4. Have a serving heart. Doing things for your spouse is a gift! It is not something you should just do while you are dating, but continue to do while in marriage. I know how happy it makes me to be able to cook a meal for my husband, or to invite him to a game, to treat him. To say with gifts and actions that I love him. Also, related to chores, know that division of labor won't always be 50/50. Just last month I was in the hospital on bedrest. My husband visited me every day and was doing it all. Cooking, cleaning, getting the kids ready. I kept saying how hard it was to be stuck in the hospital with no end in sight, but I know he was definitely doing all the things on top of his job--with a serving heart.

5. Do things together (and travel) as a family and just the 2 of you. Being able to still do things just the 2 of us. It doesn't have to be big. Specially now with kids, it's harder to set up weekly times. But we still leave time to play board games after the kids are in bed. To be able to discuss how our days were and what we are working on. We also love to do things as a family, like going to the park or the library together. A few months ago, Charlie was into completing his Junior ranger book and had to volunteer. We all went with him for him to get his hours and we also celebrated as a family when he got his Junior Ranger award. It has been also great to be able to take trips as a family and just the 2 of us. As a family; we make a lot of memories. It might not be as relaxing, but it is fun to be able to show our kids where we come from and to expand their view of the world. We also take trips just the 2 of us. Sometimes it's not far. For our twins baby moon, we went to a cabin here in Texas, just 1.5 hours from our house. We had so much fun just reading together, fishing (me for the first time), and cooking at the park. It is fun to build that intentional time both as a family and just the 2 of us.

6. Share your dreams and support each other. We are different people than who we were 7 years ago. Our priorities have shifted. This is why it's important to know where your spouses head is at. The professional goals they had 5 years ago, may be different now. It could be the same, but it could have also changed. I know for me it has been a dream to become manager. I got my MBA and although I have not reached that goal, right now my priority is flexibility. My kids are only young for so long, so I want to be there for them. Could both be possible? Maybe. But so far, he knows that I want to be there and present for our kids. Same for my husband. For the longest time, he knew he would not change jobs again. Then an amazing opportunity came for our family. We discussed it, we prayed about it, and he took the offer. There is this quote I heard from one my favorite podcast, Live Free Creative. Miranda says her pastor told her to: Love your spouse, get to know them and love them again. This encompasses the changes that will happen in us and to learn to know our spouses and love them again. Beautiful cycle.

7. Pray together. I remember our first night together, I started praying "Our Father" out loud with my husband beside me. It felt odd to not just pray it by myself, but also odd not to include him. Over time, I'd also share the personal things I was feeling or the people I was praying for. Then would ask my husband if he had an intention or someone he wanted to pray for. Prayer has played a big part in our journey. I remember when I was in labor with my first son. Begging my husband to keep praying, when things were not progressing. "Are you praying??" I kept asking. This labor thing was hard and the baby seemed to be stuck. We prayed together. That is the beautiful thing about prayer. We want to pray in the good times and in the times when we are having difficulty. Prayer has allowed us to be more vulnerable and share who we are thinking about, where our head is at, and to turn to our God, and put it all in his hands.

Thank you for all the lessons you have taught me, for laughing with me, for sharing the hard times and the good times, for sharing your dreams and supporting each other, for praying with me, for being so selfless. It has been a wild ride and I'm glad I get to do it with you and to find out what the next years of "I do" include.

Love you always,

Ana Maria